It's Erection Time!

Well it's everyone's favorite time of year. Erection time, wait, election time. There's an election going on in Gwangju. And only the creme de la creme of the citizenry is asking for the populous' patent permission to govern our fair valley. I have no idea what their platforms are, but my only guess is that there is a More Kimchi Party and a More Samgyupsal Party. A cabbage on every plate or a piece of pig butt on every flatiron. I can only imagine the ferocity of the debate.
For the purposes of this article I'll be romanizing the Korean names in a way that actually makes sense. Newsflash, revised romanization committee, you're retarted. I came up with a system that accurately reflects Korean pronunciation in the English alphabet in ten minutes and I know 100 words in Korean on my best day.

First we have Mr. Im Joang Dae. He's my friendly neighborhood split-level house face man. When he talks his left eye moves because it's horizontally parallel to his mouth. I think he's running for some kind of city council seat from my district (there are 5 in Gwangju), because the poster says something about Buk-gu, the originally named North district. He's too old to be from the more progressive More Samgyupsal party, so he must be from the More Kimchi party. Good luck to you Mr. Im.



Here is Mr. Nam Pyong-oh. The great challenger of Mr. Im Joang-Dae. Maybe, he's running for something in Buk-Gu, but his office has a word after it that Mr. Im's doesn't. So maybe Mr. Im is running for a city council seat and Mr. Nam is running to be mayor of the district. I think that might be it, Mr Nam means Mr. South and he's running for office in the North district, ha ha. Either way, you can see he's an adherent of the More Samgyupsal ideology. Full of new ideas, with the new fashionable fake eye wear that all the kids are wearing, a casual oxford shirt without a tie and a smiley thumb pointed upward. He's the kind of guy you could have ten bottles of soju with at the norebang, a real Korean GWB.


Mr. Kim Who-Jin who's on first? I never knew that the kid who sat behind me in biology class and breathing through his mouth would end up being a Korean politician. I have no idea what he's running for but I'm pretty sure Kim Who-Jin is a card carrying member of the Kimchi party. He might be trying to act cool, but it's got a hollow ring to it, like a fat sophomore wearing Oakleys. The Samgyupsals would never have him. What I particularly like about this picture is the word "new" at the bottom after new it says "reedaw (leader)" in Hangul.


Kim Young-Moak will devour you all. Tall as a building, with a suit of the darkest black, woven of the night sky and the shattered dreams of young girls. You will submit to me, your new person who holds a position in municipal government. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.


Oh hai! I didn't see you there. I was just down here tying my athletic shoe strings. You know what I'm talking about, the shoes that allow you to perform most efficiently when tossing a ball around the park with your dog or executing vigorous calisthenics. Anyway, I'm Mr. Jaun Kap-Gil, and I'd like to talk to you about the Samgyupsal ideology. Pork fat is nutritious and cures cancer much more effectively than the kimchi that my competitor who is as tall as a five story building is peddling around. Here's a study where the conclusion has nothing to do with the experiment. That should prove my point.

There are more... but in the words of Amanda, "I'm tired."

An Epiphany

I’ve been all stressed out about Korea and trying to make a decision about staying, going, and what to do after, when it FINALLY happened! As Dan previously mentioned, my major life decisions are usually made with absolute finality and come like a lightning bolt from the sky. I almost never second guess my decisions because I’m always super positive they are right ones, and if I do make a wrong move, I know it’s wrong the whole time because of the way my brain is screaming, “THIS IS WRONG AMANDA! ALL WRONG!” Usually my epiphanies come late at night, but in this case it was after a particularly arduous day at work. I just thought to myself, “If Dan wasn’t here, what would I do?” And I KNEW. I would simply leave in August, take the $10,000 I had saved and move to Latin America. I would live off my savings as long as I could (probably eight months), maybe work a little, or maybe not, and then go back to the states in the summer of 2011 to start grad school. This was sooooo obvious. There are simply no other options. I need A LOT of rest and relaxation after this crazy culture. I need time to figure out which grad program I want to apply to and some time to do that. I need fresh air and to get back in shape. I would also like to practice my Spanish.

I immediately spoke with Dan about my thoughts. He LOVED my idea! All weekend we have been trying our best to figure out a.) Where our money will go the furthest b.) Where we will be the safest c.) Where we will love it the most.

So we are for sure leaving in August! I can’t wait to not HAVE to get up in the morning. Seriously, waking up at 7am is NOT COOL.

We also just booked tickets to Beijing for six days at the end of July. Absolutely cannot wait for that. I really hope these next few months just fly by, and I’m sure they will, because that’s how life is in the ROK!

Decision making processes

The title of Amanda's post is disingenuous. She has a pamphlet. She keeps it hidden in a box under the wardrobe that only her special medieval Japanese key can open. I've seen it. It's ten to fifteen pages long, bright yellow and green like Green Bay Packers season tickets, and she's on the first three pages. That means there's plenty of adventures yet to be had.

In the beginning of our relationship I said that our decision making processes were like the American government, hopelessly constipated. I kid. I'm the legislative branch and she's the executive. I come up with all the ideas, more ideas than I really should, but I want everyone to feel like I'm busy and they're getting their money's worth so I outlaw random things like marijuana, ferrets, alcohol. She has veto power and I can't get a goddamn 2/3 of myself together on anything to override it so it stands like that. Sometimes she oversteps her constitutional authority and introduces legislation or unilaterally declares war. But I let her do that because she's so darn cute.

I prefer schemes that fit together elegantly. Accomplishing something in a short amount of time, or realizing a goal when there's just enough time for it. I just never accomplish anything because I use the time allotted to accomplishment to come up with new plans. It's just so damn fun. Fitting all the goals together, personal, romantic, financial, is very important to me because I am German and in love with efficiency. I reverse course often enough don't get me wrong, but even if I don't have all the goals lined up right away when I reverse course, I am usually quick to pick up a piece of the puzzle that had to be ignored for a short amount of time.

Amanda waits for the almighty to smite her with knowledge. Waiting for an epiphany, like the wise men for the star, she persists in what she does until the brink of insanity. Unlike other people we can't do one thing for substantial periods of time, we lack the routine gene (I'm a poet!). Then the skies part and she realizes the path laid out for her. She takes it confidently.

When you're in a field all paths are open to you, one step this way, one step that, a zigzag pattern or tangential lines. Each step is a new decision. On a path, only one step is a decision the rest is preordained. A crossroad is only a decision with three options, in the field all steps have as many options as a compass has degrees. I've always seen life as a field, being spoiled for choice is one of the best ways to ensure that each choice is difficult, full of second guessing.

The only prerequisite of the paths or steps we choose for the future is that they include each other (cue Awwww moment). I'm not going to say which options I favor. You'd think me a madman.

I need that pamphlet!

Do you remember when planning your next move in life was a simple as 1,2,3? Like, hmmmm I just got out of junior high, what should I do?? Go to high school. Well, I graduated from high school, what should I do?? Go to college. Or get a job. Now that I've graduated from college (or have a job), what should I do?? Get a job. Or get a better job. Or travel. Now I have a job, have traveled, or make ample amounts of money, what should I do?? Get married, have a baby, buy a house... WAIT ONE MINUTE HERE! WTF? Where did that come from? That's what OLD PEOPLE do! (no offense old people, or young people who act old)

Now that I'm sober, I've decided to try to plan my next life move. This is harder than it may seem to some-what normal people. Most would say, just do what you want, do what makes sense, do what would make you happy. I, on the other hand, am not most people. I insist on thinking about just about every single thing a young, college educated couple with teaching experience and a love for travel MIGHT possibly do. Currently the list includes (but is not limit to):

1. Staying in Korea for as long as needed to pay off my student loans.
   
2. Take the money we have saved and go on an epic trip around the world (on a very thin shoestring).
3. Take the money we have saved and live in an under-developed country (e.g. Mexico, Peru, Costa Rica) for as long as possible, while living the dream of no job and no responsibilities.
4. Go back to the states, enroll in a state university and get graduate degrees and teaching certifications.
   
5. Go to a different country and teach English.
   
6. Have a baby. Everyone knows this means pretty much everything else is out the window. :) If I want kids, I sure as hell don't want to be old and pregnant.
   
7. Get married. I don't know why, but Dan LOVES this idea. Not today, of course.
   
8. Learn to built platforms high up in jungle trees and become zip-line tour guides.
9. Move back to Oregon, get stupid jobs and have fun showing Dan all around the coolest state in the union.
10. Attempt to gain admission to an awesome university abroad, where we could get our master degrees without selling whats left of our souls to the CitiBank evil empire. The UK perhaps? Australia or New Zealand?

As you can see, I've got a lot of options here. I'm so grateful to realistically have all these options. But seriously, how the hell am I supposed to know what to do? One big down side of having an incredibly intelligent and wonderful partner is he keeps coming up with even MORE things we could do. I don't know how other people decide this stuff, but if I could get that pamphlet at the next "What to do with your life when everything seems like a good idea" meeting, that would be great. Thanks!