Monday, January 25, 2010

Hot Damn: Sober at the Korean Strip Club

This weekend was a trilateral celebration. Dan’s b-day, Shannon’s b-day and Evan and Nunu’s going away. These guys are making their great escape from the ROK and going to Amsterdam. Assholes. Anyway, some friends of theirs who own a hogwon (private English academy) decided to treat a big group of us to a VIP room in a BIG Korean club. This room was magnificent! It had a huge granite-like table with three long comfortable couches, wood paneled walls, recessed lighting and of course, a karaoke machine, not to mention a disco ball, strobe lights and a private bathroom. It was like your grand-pa’s rec room P.I.M.P.ed the fuck out. Of course it was all you can drink beer and whiskey. Dan and I stuck to aqua. After some tearful toasts, the partying commenced. We chatted a bit, then discovered (through the CCTV camera that allowed us to spy on the stage/dance floor though our flat screen television) the “man show” was starting. The girls rushed down to watch, while the men pretended not to feel inadequate and lonely.

I have to say, these Korean strippers were pretty damn fine. Chiseled muscles, tattoos, piercings, pretty much my cup of tea. The only problem is that they were GAY. And as much as I like seeing two men rub on each other and pretend to hump, I want them to pretend to rub and hump on me! It completely destroyed all the dreams and hopes I had of a fine-ass Korean man with perfect English and a lip piercing sweeping me off my feet. They got down to their g-strings and even had water fountain thing going on. No money shot though, Koreans are such a tease!

After the show, we continued to norebang well into the night and I completely missed the “girl show.” I heard they were pretty hot, although they took off fewer clothes I think. Overall, great night and we were happy to be able to say goodbye to Nunu and Evan. They are probably one of the most adorable couples I’ve ever met, and I hope we get to see them again in Europe or Canada or wherever. We also found out Evan was a teetotaler for TWO years! Now he’s back on the sauce, but he’s got it all under control. A true inspiration! Goal: have fun without booze. Accomplished.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Korea: An Alcoholics Paradise

Imagine yourself in a world where you had a great job, worked about 25 hours a week, a rent free apartment, lots of paid holidays, and cheap, cheap, CHEAP beer and liquor. Add in the almost complete absence of police or laws governing drinking, the indigenous people thinking that you are crazy already, and there you have it, South Korea.

Back in the states I drank. But I did other stuff too. Like go to school and serve sausages to obese people. Who wants to do that hungover? Going out also cost more than my pitiful serving wage and high cost of living could afford every weekend. Portland is a sweet place to live and party in, but damn is it expensive! Korea is a completely different ballgame. Here’s some reasons why:

  • As previously stated, it is cheap to drink. A pregame Ministop session costs $1 for a bottle of soju and $2 for a Gatorade. Now you’re nice and buzzed. Continue on to a Korean bar for some $2.5 beers or $12 pitchers and you’re feeling pretty damn good. Head to the foreigner bar for some overpriced import beers ($4) or tequila shots ($5) and you’re pretty much blacked out. Move to the club to make a fool of yourself and pay $10 for a bottomless cup of cheap Korean beer and your night has cost about $50. Rinse and repeat. Don’t get me wrong, you can definitely spend more than this, but you don’t need to!
  • The bars don’t close. If you want to drink they will stay open. Even if they kick you out, you can find another bar. Going home at 7am with the sun coming up is not unusual.
  • No consequences for anything you do. No DUIs, no drunk tanks. Nuff said.
  • There is ALWAYS an excuse to drink. People are constantly coming and going, weddings, ho downs, holidays, camping, traveling, new bars opening, it’s Thursday night, whatever. The party never stops.
  • Drinking is pretty much the social game. If you want to meet new people you have to go out. The hook-up opportunities are prevalent, especially if you happen to have a vagina or if you are over 6 feet tall with blonde hair and blue eyes.
  • No family obligations. Except for the few waygookin (foreigners) who actually have wives, husbands and children here, you never have to worry about bringing shame on your family by showing up to holiday gatherings still trashed from the night before. No disapproving looks from your mom, no one asking about your drinking habits. Facebook has security settings; no one has to see those pictures from last weekend!

Sounds like a real paradise doesn’t it? So, why in Obama’s name would two young, twenty-some things VOLUNTARILY give up the giggle juice? Stay tuned….

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Amanda has goals for our experiences

I'm not as much of a goal oriented person, therefore the drinking, the excessive, excessive, sweet, sweet, drinking. Amanda, on the other hand, has goals and aspirations for her life, and I'm being dragged into it. Ok our goals:

  • Get into shape. This means running, jumping, lunging, louging, lifting, pushing, pulling, climbing, yoga, and tandem cardiovascular workouts.
  • Do shit. Like real shit. The type of shit that you can't do with a monkey playing the cymbals in your head on Sunday morning. This involves travel, hiking, learning, reading (and remembering), and writing.
  • Save money. We can't count the times we've woken up with a financial deficit we were completely unable to account for hidden somewhere between 2 am and 7 am. Not to mention trips to Lotteria, Little Pete's, Pishee and Grillee, etcetera.
  • Move to NYC. Therefore, the aforemetioned financial goal. SK, you're great... well you're not that great, so we gotta go. Our contracts expire August 2010! Peace, Ajummas.
  • Have fun. This is the real Everest of the list.

Amanda has goals for our year. Dan prefers a more shoot first ask questions later approach. We'll see how our intrepid teetotaling explorers fare on another edition of My so-called sober life... See you next time!

Our initial blogspot diatribe

After a young adult life full of more or less constant insobriety, 50 wasted Sundays a year, undergarment confusion, bloody gums, strep throat, morning after misrecognitions, phlegmy coffees, funky chickens, missing teeth/shoes/cellphones/wallets/keys/jobs/purses/messenger bags/bikes/textbooks and term papers/RELATIONSHIPS, we're quitting the game, bitches! It's over, kaputski, done with, no alcohol shall pass these lips heretofore so help me Barack Obama. For one year. So we, Amanda Zengel and Daniel Magee, having linked our lives with a shared rent-free apartment and the romantic exchange of seminal essences (Dan was an English major), have made the leap into bloggerhood. These are our stories.