The Teetotaled Song

So we've been wanting to write a post about famous teetotalers for a while now. You'd be surprised about how many very successful people don't drink at all. So we decided to get creative and use Adam Sandler for inspiration. There were many people we couldn't include, like Sarah Silverman, Samuel L. Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Trent Reznor, Cristian Ronaldo and Malcom X, that also definitely deserve a mention. Whenever we're struggling to stay sober we just think of these guys... what motivation!

We wrote these lyrics using the Hanukkah Song by Adam Sandler.

There are a lot of songs about drinking out there… so we wrote this one for all those nice kids who don’t get to hear any songs about sobriety… so here goes.

Get out your dignity, it’s time to celebrate sobriety,
So much rationality when we celebrate sobriety.

Sobriety is a festival of clarity,
instead of one night of blackouts,
we have weekends fuuull of activity!

When you feel like the only adult in town without a drink in hand,
here’s a list of people who are sober just like you and me… (or maybe just me)

Warren E. Buffet just counts up his money,
So do Jim Carrey, Natalie Portman and the late Bill O’Reilly (okay, we just wish he was dead)

Guess who gets a water at the Oscar after party,
Rob Lowe from Party of Five and Christina Ricci.

Eminem’s half sober, Bruce Willis is half too,
Put them together,
What a crazy fucked up crew!

You don’t need tequlia or a whiskey on the rocks,
Cause you can party sober with Steve Jobs and Tyra Banks (both clean!)

Get out your dignity, it’s time to celebrate sobriety,
Bruce Lee, a master of kung fu-ity, celebrates sobriety.

Rush Limbaugh... is not sober.
But guess who is?
Rock n’ roller Alice Cooper (he converted!)

We got Ann Landers and Muhammad Ali,
Amy Winehouse wants to be sober,
Hey! It’s not all that easy!

Some people think that George W. Bush is,
Well he’s not. But guess who is,
KISS front man Gene Simmons!

So many teetotalers are in show biz,
Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t,
but I heard her husband is!

Go tell Pete Doherty, it’s time to celebrate sobriety,
The whole country of Saudia Abrab-ity practices sobriety,
If you don’t want a D.U.I. –ity then work on your sobriety,
So drink your virgin daiquiri and smoke your mara-juan-ity
And be happy, happy, happy happy with your dignity!


Let us know what you think! A&D :)

Our initial blogspot diatribe

After a young adult life full of more or less constant insobriety, 50 wasted Sundays a year, undergarment confusion, bloody gums, strep throat, morning after misrecognitions, phlegmy coffees, funky chickens, missing teeth/shoes/cellphones/wallets/keys/jobs/purses/messenger bags/bikes/textbooks and term papers/RELATIONSHIPS, we're quitting the game, bitches! It's over, kaputski, done with, no alcohol shall pass these lips heretofore so help me Barack Obama. For one year. So we, Amanda Zengel and Daniel Magee, having linked our lives with a shared rent-free apartment and the romantic exchange of seminal essences (Dan was an English major), have made the leap into bloggerhood. These are our stories.